I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle Synopsis & Review: Plot Summary

🎯 Quick Overview

😅 Plot Summary – Badly Explained

A British motorbike courier buys a supposedly haunted Norton that turns out to be a blood-guzzling vampire, forcing him to team up with a garlic-chomping cop and a C-3PO-playing priest to stop its hilariously gory rampage.

🍿 I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle: Detailed Plot Synopsis

An Occult Ritual Gone Wrong

The bizarre tale begins with a motorbike gang interrupting a satanic ritual. During the chaos, an occultist is killed by a crossbow. In his dying moments, the High Priest curses a damaged motorcycle, imbuing it with an evil spirit he was attempting to summon.

Noddy’s Unwitting Purchase

In Birmingham, a young bike courier named Nick ‘Noddy’ Oddie purchases the cursed Norton motorcycle at a suspiciously low price. He brings it home to restore with the help of his girlfriend Kim and friend Buzzer. Unaware of its dark origins, Noddy replaces the fuel tank, but Buzzer inadvertently takes the original petrol cap.

The Bike’s Bloody Awakening

Soon, mysterious and violent events begin. Noddy discovers the bike only starts after dark, and his friend Buzzer is found decapitated. Noddy encounters Inspector Cleaver, a detective with an unusual garlic obsession, investigating the gruesome scene. The bike’s true nature as a blood-thirsty vampire motorcycle becomes terrifyingly clear as it targets the gang responsible for the occultist’s death, leaving a trail of dismembered bodies.

Seeking Supernatural Aid

As the motorcycle’s rampage escalates, Noddy and Kim realize they are dealing with something supernatural. Noddy seeks help from an eccentric priest, who, after some initial skepticism and a peculiar encounter with the bike, confirms it is indeed possessed and requires an exorcism. Meanwhile, Kim is hospitalized after an attack, surrounded by garlic and crucifixes to deter the malevolent machine.

⚠️ Spoilers and Ending Explained

🎬 Cast & Characters

• Noddy (Neil Morrissey): The ordinary motorbike courier who inadvertently buys a vintage motorcycle possessed by an evil spirit.
• The Vampire Motorcycle (The Motorcycle Itself): The central antagonist, a Norton Commando motorcycle possessed by a demon that feeds on blood and seeks violent revenge.
• Kim (Amanda Noar): Noddy’s supportive girlfriend who helps him with the motorcycle but soon becomes a target of its deadly rampage.
• Inspector Cleaver (Michael Elphick): A quirky, garlic-loving police inspector investigating the bizarre deaths caused by the supernatural motorcycle.
• Priest (Anthony Daniels): An unconventional priest who becomes Noddy’s ally in the battle to exorcise the demonic motorcycle.
• Roach (Andrew Powell): The violent leader of the biker gang whose occult ritual inadvertently unleashes the evil spirit possessing the motorcycle.

💬 Memorable Quotes

• Noddy: “Where that bloody tart gone with my bike?” – Said by Noddy in frustration after Kim, his girlfriend, has driven off with his newly acquired (and secretly vampiric) motorcycle.
• Priest: “Let’s go and kick some bottom!” – The Priest, a surprisingly gung-ho biker and exorcist, declares this with enthusiasm before confronting the demonic motorcycle.
• Noddy: “She only runs on blood. Not petrol. She only runs on blood.” – Noddy, realizing the horrifying truth about his motorcycle, explains its vampiric nature to Kim.
• Inspector Cleaver: “I want to be able to smell your breath from here!” – Inspector Cleaver, known for his strong garlic breath, issues this command to a subordinate, emphasizing the need for garlic to deter the vampire bike.

💰Box Office

• Budget: £320,000
• Domestic Gross: N/A
• Worldwide Gross: N/A

💥 I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle Reviews

Personal Review

Okay, so I went into ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ with literally zero expectations beyond the amazing title, and honestly, I was not disappointed. It’s gloriously silly and perfectly encapsulates that wild, no-holds-barred British B-movie vibe that’s just pure fun. There are scenes that are so over the top, like the infamous talking turd bit – seriously, what even was that?! – that you can’t help but laugh out loud at the sheer audacity. Neil Morrissey is great as the bewildered Noddy, and Anthony Daniels as the priest is pure gold, totally leaning into the absurdity of it all. It’s definitely a ‘don’t take it seriously’ kind of movie, but if you’re in for some cheesy, gory, low-budget fun, this delivers big time. It’s the kind of film you recommend to a friend just to see their face.

• Who would enjoy:
  • “Fans of cult classic B-movies”
  • “Viewers who appreciate horror-comedy with a strong emphasis on comedy”
  • “Those looking for a deliberately cheesy and over-the-top viewing experience”
  • “Admirers of low-budget practical effects and creative gore”
  • “Fans of British humor, particularly the ‘Carry On’ style or early Peter Jackson films”
  • “People who enjoy films featuring possessed vehicles (e.g., ‘Christine’, ‘The Car’)”
  • “Audiences interested in unique or obscure genre cinema from the late 80s/early 90s”
• Content warnings ⚠:
  • “Strong gore and violence (including decapitations and dismemberment)”
  • “Crude and scatological humor (notably a scene with a talking turd)”
  • “Suggestive dialogue and mild sexual innuendo”
  • “Brief nudity (Morrissey’s backside)”
  • “Depictions of Satanic rituals and demonic possession”

Professional Reviews

• Cult Film Quarterly: “”I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle” is a wonderfully unhinged piece of British B-movie madness. Its low-budget charm and commitment to the absurd are its greatest strengths, delivering ingenious practical gore and consistent laughs. It’s not high art, but it’s wildly entertaining for those who appreciate cinema’s more bizarre offerings. A definite cult classic in the making.
• Midnight Movie Reviews: “With a title like this, you know exactly what you’re in for, and ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ somehow exceeds expectations in its glorious commitment to chaos. While some humor is crude, the film’s relentless energy and memorable supporting characters, particularly Anthony Daniels as a surprisingly effective biker priest, make it an undeniably fun, if messy, ride. It’s a true hidden gem for fans of schlock.
• UK Horror Hound: “This film is an acquired taste, brimming with a uniquely British brand of slapstick horror and surprisingly effective practical gore. While it stretches its premise and budget to their absolute limits, resulting in some truly questionable moments, ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ possesses an undeniable, if perplexing, charm. It’s a wild ride that proves memorable, for better or worse.

Audience Reactions

Viewers particularly loved the film’s unashamedly silly premise, outrageous practical effects, and British comedic sensibilities.: Most people agree it’s a fantastic ‘good bad’ movie, a cheesy yet endlessly entertaining watch that fully embraces its ridiculous concept, making it a cult favorite for those who enjoy campy horror-comedies.

Overall Consensus: A cult British horror-comedy that delivers exactly what its absurd title promises: a low-budget, high-energy, and often crude, yet undeniably entertaining, vampire motorcycle romp. It’s widely regarded as a fun ‘bad’ movie.

Awards

🛠️ Behind the Scenes

• “The film primarily utilized existing practical locations, with only one dedicated set constructed for the entire production.”
• “During filming, Amanda Noar (who played Kim) accidentally called Neil Morrissey (who played Noddy) by his real first name, “Neil,” in a scene. The two actors were married at the time.”
• “Much of the cast, including Neil Morrissey and Michael Elphick, were also stars of the popular British TV series ‘Boon,’ and some sets from ‘Boon’ were reportedly used for this film without official permission from ITV.”
• “The distinctive “vampire motorcycle” prop was a fiberglass replica, equipped with wheelchair motors for its movement, and was specifically built in a garage located in Basall Common.”
• “Dean Friedman, who composed the score for ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle,’ also wrote music for the TV series ‘Boon,’ further connecting the film’s production to the popular British show.”

🖥️ How to Watch I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle?

While ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ is a cult B-movie from 1990, it periodically becomes available on various streaming platforms. You can often find it available for streaming rental or purchase on services like Prime Video, Apple TV, and Google Play. For physical media collectors, it has been released on DVD and Blu-ray (including a UK Region 2 M.I.A disc with extras). Always check your preferred digital storefronts or physical media retailers for current availability.

🎥 Similar Movies

If you enjoyed I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle, you might like these similar films:

• Psychomania (1973): A seminal British biker horror-comedy featuring a gang of undead motorcyclists, sharing a similar campy, supernatural tone and focus on bikes.
• Christine (1983): A classic horror film directed by John Carpenter about a sentient, murderous car, providing a direct thematic comparison for a possessed vehicle.
• Braindead / Dead Alive (1992): An outrageous, gore-filled, and darkly comedic horror film by Peter Jackson that embraces its B-movie sensibilities with similar enthusiasm and over-the-top practical effects.
• Re-Animator (1985): A quintessential 80s cult horror-comedy known for its explicit gore, black humor, and mad science, appealing to fans of absurd and fun genre films from the period.
• Shaun of the Dead (2004): A highly acclaimed British horror-comedy that masterfully blends scares and laughs, offering a more polished yet equally beloved take on the genre.
• Werewolves on Wheels (1971): A low-budget biker horror film where a motorcycle gang encounters supernatural forces and witchcraft, fitting the specific niche of occult biker cinema.

🛒 I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle Related Products

• I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle – Special Edition Blu-ray: Relive the cult classic with this special edition Blu-ray, featuring a high-definition transfer, behind-the-scenes documentaries, and exclusive interviews with the cast and crew, including Neil Morrissey and Anthony Daniels.
• Norton Commando 750 Fastback Motorcycle Die-Cast Model (1:12 Scale): A highly detailed die-cast replica of the iconic Norton Commando 750 Fastback, the very model possessed by the evil spirit in the film. Features working suspension, rubber tires, and authentic paint scheme.
• I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle – Original Movie Poster T-Shirt: A soft, comfortable cotton t-shirt featuring the original theatrical movie poster art for ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle,’ showcasing the film’s unique blend of horror and comedy.
• B-Movie Maniac: Retro Horror Arcade Game (Digital Download): An indie arcade-style horror game inspired by classic low-budget creature features. Fight off waves of absurd monsters, unlock outrageous weapons, and embrace the campy chaos of B-movie cinema.

🎧 Soundtrack

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle features a captivating soundtrack that enhances the movie’s atmosphere and emotional impact. Here are some notable tracks:

• “Are You Ready Yet” – performed by Dean Friedman
• “She Runs On Blood (She Don’t Run On Gasoline)” – performed by Original Soundtrack

You can find the complete soundtrack on Amazon Music and Apple Music.

🤨 FAQ

🔥 Bonus Content

YOUNG MAN buys OLD MOTORCYCLE and discovers that it is a VAMPIRE that FEEDS on HUMANS as FUEL

Ever wondered what happens when a motorcycle starts craving blood instead of gas? This video does an awesome job breaking down the whole wild plot of ‘I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ – it’s truly a must-watch if you want to understand the madness!

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