Vampires Suck Synopsis & Review: Plot Summary

🎯 Quick Overview

😅 Plot Summary – Badly Explained

A mopey girl chooses between a sparkly vampire and a chihuahua, all while Canadians lurk menacingly in the background.

🍿 Vampires Suck: Detailed Plot Synopsis

Becca’s Arrival in Sporks

Becca Crane moves to the town of Sporks, Washington, to live with her father, Sheriff Frank Crane. The town is plagued by a series of strange killings, with many suspecting Canadian involvement. However, it’s actually the work of vampires often mistaken for the Black Eyed Peas, setting up the central parody of supernatural events in a small town.

Romance with Edward Sullen

Becca becomes fascinated by the mysterious Edward Sullen, a vampire who claims to only drink animal blood and Real Housewives of Atlanta. Their relationship parodies the intense romance of the Twilight series. Key scenes like Edward saving Becca from a van and revealing his vampire nature are comically re-enacted.

The Breakup and Jacob’s Role

Edward, fearing for Becca’s safety, breaks up with her, leading to a dramatic, over-the-top breakup scene. Heartbroken, Becca finds comfort in her childhood friend, Jacob White, who is revealed to be a werewolf – or rather, a Chihuahua in this parody – leading to comical transformations and pack dynamics.

⚠️ Spoilers and Ending Explained

🎬 Cast & Characters

• Becca Crane (Jenn Proske): A teenage girl who moves to a new town and finds herself in a love triangle with a vampire and a werewolf, satirizing Bella Swan from the Twilight series.
• Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter): A sickly pale vampire who consumes animal blood and becomes the love interest of Becca Crane, parodying Edward Cullen.
• Frank Crane (Diedrich Bader): Becca’s clueless and overprotective father who works as a sheriff, resembling Charlie Swan.
• Jacob White (Chris Riggi): Becca’s childhood friend who is a werewolf and competes with Edward for her affections, mimicking Jacob Black.
• Daro (Ken Jeong): The leader of the Zolturi, a powerful vampire coven, posing a threat to Edward and Becca.

💬 Memorable Quotes

• Edward: “I’m a vampire, and I only consume animal blood… and the Real Housewives of Atlanta.” – Edward reveals his vampire nature, adding a humorous pop culture reference.
• Edward: “I’m a killer.” – Edward states this as a warning, then proceeds to shoot Alice from Alice in Wonderland.
• Fisherman Sculley: “You know who we are, don’t you?” – The fisherman answers: Yes…you’re the Black Eyed Peas! Jack responds with, Not again.
• Jacob fan-girl: “Team Jacob, b*tch!” – The head Jacob fan-girl shouts before attacking Edward at the prom in the film’s conclusion.

💰Box Office

• Budget: $20,000,000
• Domestic Gross: $36,661,504
• Worldwide Gross: $80,547,866

💥 Vampires Suck Reviews

Personal Review

Okay, let’s be honest, this movie is not winning any awards. I went in expecting a train wreck, and well, I got a train wreck. But! There were a few moments where I laughed harder than I probably should have. It’s dumb humor, pure and simple. The actress who plays Becca is seriously good at mimicking Kristen Stewart. If you need a brainless laugh, and you hate Twilight, give it a shot. But don’t expect anything profound.

• Who would enjoy:
  • “Fans of parody movies who enjoy juvenile humor”
  • “Viewers who dislike the Twilight series and want to see it mocked”
  • “Those looking for a lighthearted, undemanding comedy”
• Content warnings ⚠:
  • “Crude humor and sexual innuendo”
  • “Potentially offensive stereotypes”
  • “Some violent content (parody violence)”

Professional Reviews

• Rotten Tomatoes: “Despite the source material lending itself to easy parody, ‘Vampires Suck’ fails to deliver, relying on tired tropes and predictable gags that fall flat.
• Common Sense Media: “Teens who loathe ‘Twilight’ might find this movie funny, but beware the lowbrow humor and stereotypical characters.

Audience Reactions

Many found the Becca actress’ impersonation of Kristen Stewart’s mannerisms hilariously accurate.: Viewers who dislike ‘Twilight’ found the movie provided a fun outlet for mocking the series.

Overall Consensus: A low-brow parody that relies on tired jokes and struggles to find genuine humor, despite lampooning a series ripe for satire.

Awards

🛠️ Behind the Scenes

• “Matt Lanter wore a real glitterball attached to his nether regions for the opening scene where Edward strips off in broad daylight.”
• “The film primarily spoofs the first two ‘Twilight’ movies, streamlining the plot for comedic effect.”
• “Jenn Proske’s performance as Becca Crane was praised for accurately mimicking Kristen Stewart’s mannerisms as Bella Swan.”

🖥️ How to Watch Vampires Suck?

As a parody film, ‘Vampires Suck’ might be available for rent or purchase on various platforms. Check services like Prime Video, Apple TV, Google Play Movies, and Vudu to see if it’s available for streaming or digital download. It’s also often available on DVD and Blu-ray through retailers like Amazon and Walmart.

🎥 Similar Movies

If you enjoyed Vampires Suck, you might like these similar films:

• Scary Movie (2000): As a parody of horror films, it shares a similar comedic style and spoofs popular movies of its time.
• Not Another Teen Movie (2001): It spoofs various teen movie tropes and clichés, much like ‘Vampires Suck’ does with vampire romances.
• Date Movie (2006): Directed by the same filmmakers, it follows a similar formula of parodying romantic comedies.
• A Haunted House (2013): It parodies found-footage horror films with over-the-top humor and similar comedic timing.

🛒 Vampires Suck Related Products

• Twilight: The Complete Saga (Extended Editions) [Blu-ray]: Own the original movies that were parodied in Vampires Suck! Watch the complete collection of Twilight movies and discover the romance and drama that inspired countless parodies.
• Vampire Fangs – Realistic Vampire Teeth Fangs: Step into the world of Vampires with these awesome vampire fangs. Made with high quality composite resin, these teeth will surely scare the hell out of anyone who comes in your way!
• Twilight Board Game – A Game of Strategy and Suspense!: This captivating board game brings the epic conflict between vampires and werewolves to life! Battle for survival in a world where loyalty is tested and alliances are forged.
• Limited Edition Twilight Movie Poster Collection: A collection of high-quality posters showcasing iconic scenes and characters from the Twilight saga. These posters are printed on premium paper with vibrant colors, perfect for any dedicated fan’s collection.

🎧 Soundtrack

Vampires Suck features a captivating soundtrack that enhances the movie’s atmosphere and emotional impact. Here are some notable tracks:

• “My Panties” – performed by Magicwandos

You can find the complete soundtrack on Amazon Music and Apple Music.

🤨 FAQ

🔥 Bonus Content

75 Seconds of Vampires Suck That Are Funny Part 2

Need a quick laugh? This compilation of the funniest moments from ‘Vampires Suck’ is exactly what you need! Honestly, it’s a perfect reminder of how ridiculous and hilarious this movie is.

twilight vs vampires suck

Ever wondered how ‘Vampires Suck’ stacks up against ‘Twilight’? This video breaks down the differences, showing just how much of a parody it really is. It’s actually pretty insightful!

✨ Rate